Social Life: Mind Meld
Amazing to meet you
By Matthew Hutson, published on July 01, 2010 - last reviewed on September 05, 2010
Glancing at the subtitle of the new book Click: The Magic of Instant Connections, I was skeptical. How much leverage can we really get on such an ephemeral phenomenon as quick-set intimacy? A lot, it turns out. The brothers Ori (a business consultant) and Rom (a psychologist) Brafman don't dissipate all the magic—who would want to read their analysis if they did?—but they dig up considerable research and talk to a variety of clickmasters—a hostage negotiator, a casting director, a flight attendant—to identify factors that catalyze such alchemy. (See below.) And they make a convincing case that clicking does more than put you on a fast track to love or success: When you click you become yourself, only better. —Matthew Hutson
5 Catalysts for Connection
Vulnerability
Opening up to others by sharing personal information, admitting to an embarrassment, or even just expressing an opinion or emotional reaction immediately deepens the interaction. Eye contact and casual touching also help.
Proximity
People tend to befriend and collaborate with others they sit next to, live near, or work alongside. Mere facial familiarity enhances judgments of a stranger's personality. So go out there and mix it up face-to-face.
Resonance
Get out of your head and into the "zone." You can reach a state of flow with another person where boundaries fade away by being present—offering undivided attention, listening actively, and responding to unspoken needs.
Similarity
We tend to like people who are like us, so find common ground early. Similarities can be as trivial as a shared name or birthday or interest in a sports team. Whatever your background, you immediately become an in-group of two.
Shared Community
Creating a well-defined frame through, say, a corporate retreat, can amplify the other click accelerants by offering a safe space. Shared adversity also strengthens bonds and can forge permanent partnerships.
Amazing to meet you
By Matthew Hutson, published on July 01, 2010 - last reviewed on September 05, 2010
Glancing at the subtitle of the new book Click: The Magic of Instant Connections, I was skeptical. How much leverage can we really get on such an ephemeral phenomenon as quick-set intimacy? A lot, it turns out. The brothers Ori (a business consultant) and Rom (a psychologist) Brafman don't dissipate all the magic—who would want to read their analysis if they did?—but they dig up considerable research and talk to a variety of clickmasters—a hostage negotiator, a casting director, a flight attendant—to identify factors that catalyze such alchemy. (See below.) And they make a convincing case that clicking does more than put you on a fast track to love or success: When you click you become yourself, only better. —Matthew Hutson
5 Catalysts for Connection
VulnerabilityOpening up to others by sharing personal information, admitting to an embarrassment, or even just expressing an opinion or emotional reaction immediately deepens the interaction. Eye contact and casual touching also help.
Proximity
People tend to befriend and collaborate with others they sit next to, live near, or work alongside. Mere facial familiarity enhances judgments of a stranger's personality. So go out there and mix it up face-to-face.
Resonance
Get out of your head and into the "zone." You can reach a state of flow with another person where boundaries fade away by being present—offering undivided attention, listening actively, and responding to unspoken needs.
Similarity
We tend to like people who are like us, so find common ground early. Similarities can be as trivial as a shared name or birthday or interest in a sports team. Whatever your background, you immediately become an in-group of two.
Shared Community
Creating a well-defined frame through, say, a corporate retreat, can amplify the other click accelerants by offering a safe space. Shared adversity also strengthens bonds and can forge permanent partnerships.
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